Destructive Wasps prolong Chudley torture

Wimbourne Wasps - 1080* vs Chudley Cannons - 90

	Cannons	Wasps
Keeper	Trimble (C)	Brookstanton (C)
Chasers	Munch	Pippins
	Bell	Branstone
	Rumstich	Johnston
Beaters	Redfern	Nutt
	Buttermere	Oddpick
Seeker	Prang	Vogler

Here it was, the sadists’ most hotly anticipated match of the season. The perpetual also-rans, the Chudley Cannons, fronted up against the undefeated League Cup favourite Wasps.

It’s a match that threatens absurdity and farce if allowed to run on too long, but promises unreachable drama if an early snitch brings the Cannons into play.  

For Wimbourne, there is never reason to change their trusty seven. But the Cannons can always be relied upon to tinker and tweak to the last, this time recalling Hesper Buttermere to the line-up in place of the bemused Robin Ramkin, as well as handing Chaser Rebecca Rumstich a first start.

It was Rumstich who struck first, handing the Cannons are popular 10-0 lead after thirty seconds. This was the extent of the match’s competitiveness though. Five minutes later Jadzia Johnston had a hat-trick, and the Wasps were off and running.

Johnston was unstoppable, overshadowing even her higher-credentialed team-mates Bruno Pippins and Delphine Branstone.

With Wimbourne racing clear largely uncontested, Gavin Redfern decided the burden fell upon him to be a hero. Unfortunately, in aiming his forceful Beat in Johnston’s direction, Redfern instead succeeded in triggering a devastating series of events that tore the heart and pride from his team.

On his follow through, Redfern’s bat accidentally struck the passing Rumstich. Meanwhile the Bludger spiralled off course and took out Redfern’s partner Hesper Buttermere, just as she prepared to intercept the second Bludger which was heading for, and subsequently struck, Xanthus Munch.

In one fell swoop, Redfern had bought the best Cannons on ground down. Gavin himself would join them on the sidelines shortly after when struck by a mysterious cocktail of curses from irate fans.

The best the Cannons could hope for was an early end to proceedings, but not even this dignified favour was granted. Fresh of two increasingly impressive performances, the absurdly inconsistent Venus Vogler was back to her worryingly common apathetic state. On at least four occasions the snitch skirted low inside the stadium, to audible oohs and aahs from the assorted masses. But on no occasion was Vogler able to lay eyes on it. Even Percy Prang twice caught sight of the snitch and it was only his athletic ineptitude that prevented the first Chudley catch of the season.

Through the comedy of errors, on went the Wimbourne goal procession. By the time the six hour mark ticked over, the Wasps tally was nearing a thousand. But the torture was nearly over for the hair-tearing Cannons fans. The six hour substitute rotation brought Sergius Hansen onto the field in place of Vogler and with a brilliance sweeping dive by the centre post, Hansen raised headaches aplenty for the Wasps’ brains trust.

Vogler was unable to even sight the snitch in six hours, but Hansen was not only able to hone in his radar within twenty minutes, but convert it efficiently.

A spent and scraggly Chudley slunk off the field demoralized. For the Wasps, Round 5 was most bittersweet. Vogler’s troubles started anew and the Wasps must be aware that such performances will not suffice if they are to be champions in 2012. But on the other side of the coin, the devastating victory margin will suit Wimbourne’s percentage nicely on the ladder.

Wimbourne Wasps - 1080: Johnston 52, Pippins 24, Branstone 15, Aldermaston 2, Hansen Capture

Chudley Cannons - 90: Munch 5, Rumstich 3, Bell 1